Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God.
Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God.
They. Shall. See. God.
I want to see God. I want to see perfect beauty. I want to know God completely. I want to know every gorgeous facet that makes God so praiseworthy.
I want to be pure in heart before the King of Kings.
The thought of actually seeing God- of gazing at His face- seeing perfection- this is a scary and wonderful thought for me. I cannot imagine. But I also cannot imagine being pure in heart. Completely pure in heart. That is something that I am struggling with daily. I've shared before, I am dealing with a lot of emotions that have thrown me off balance. And I am worried most that I am letting my personal desires let me stray from my Godly desires.
But here is when my life takes a turn for the uncool:
These off the wall desires are Christ centered. So my dilemma is whether or not I can trust these emotions or not. When it comes down to it, I am trusting God and trusting that these emotions are valid through Him. If they are not, then I am also trusting that God has a good reason for not answering my repititious prayer to remove these feelings and desires.
My prayer today has been another if this is what it takes prayer. Today's prayer went a lot like this: God if it takes my heart being broken for Your plan for my life to take shape; if somehow it takes my heart to be crushed and broken in order for me to fulfill the plan that You have designed for me then I pray that You would break my heart daily to use me. I have never had this mindset before but this whatever it takes mentality is sticking with me. I am certain this is a good thing, but it is a new thing and I am still adjusting to this new me. It's like my internal computer got an upgrade. I don't know how to respond to everything, and the old part of me is saying, hold on! Now don't go making all these promises like this!
But this whatever it takes Ashlee isn't listening, and there is a deep comfort that comes when you realize you do not care about yourself: old or new- there is a joy that comes when your only desire comes from chasing God's heart.
They. Shall. See. God.
I want to see God. I want to see perfect beauty. I want to know God completely. I want to know every gorgeous facet that makes God so praiseworthy.
I want to be pure in heart before the King of Kings.
The thought of actually seeing God- of gazing at His face- seeing perfection- this is a scary and wonderful thought for me. I cannot imagine. But I also cannot imagine being pure in heart. Completely pure in heart. That is something that I am struggling with daily. I've shared before, I am dealing with a lot of emotions that have thrown me off balance. And I am worried most that I am letting my personal desires let me stray from my Godly desires.
But here is when my life takes a turn for the uncool:
These off the wall desires are Christ centered. So my dilemma is whether or not I can trust these emotions or not. When it comes down to it, I am trusting God and trusting that these emotions are valid through Him. If they are not, then I am also trusting that God has a good reason for not answering my repititious prayer to remove these feelings and desires.
My prayer today has been another if this is what it takes prayer. Today's prayer went a lot like this: God if it takes my heart being broken for Your plan for my life to take shape; if somehow it takes my heart to be crushed and broken in order for me to fulfill the plan that You have designed for me then I pray that You would break my heart daily to use me. I have never had this mindset before but this whatever it takes mentality is sticking with me. I am certain this is a good thing, but it is a new thing and I am still adjusting to this new me. It's like my internal computer got an upgrade. I don't know how to respond to everything, and the old part of me is saying, hold on! Now don't go making all these promises like this!
But this whatever it takes Ashlee isn't listening, and there is a deep comfort that comes when you realize you do not care about yourself: old or new- there is a joy that comes when your only desire comes from chasing God's heart.
You have such a rudimentary idea of God. Do you really think he's this invisible man in the sky controlling everything you do? Why are you praising every "gorgeous facet" if you don't even know it exists? You think he's so great, yet you limit him, ascribing him to having a human form. Having a face.
ReplyDeleteWhy are you using prayer to remove these feelings? Why are you so weak, that you must rely on some unknown presence to rid you of what you think is disgusting about you? If you don't like something about yourself, change it.
Also, I find it funny that you keep changing the name of your blog every time people come to confront you about it. It's really admirable, isn't it, that you are so afraid that others are questioning your faith? I love how you're so devout, but when something comes to challenge your faith, you don't think about it, you blindly follow and weakly submit.
Look at you not listening to people. Look at you ignoring everything else so you can fuel your fanaticism. You don't care about yourself--falsehood, everybody does. If you didn't care about yourself, would you look both ways when you crossed the street? If God is keeping you in his hands, then why do you take medicine when you're sick?
Please, grow up.
I find it kind of comical when I am accused of not being myself or however it is worded, but I am open about who I am: you posted anonymously, so that tells me that you were..I don't know...afraid to comment with your real name?
ReplyDeleteI change my blog up because I can. Because I cannot ever decide on a name that I like. It's never been because I am running from anything or anyone...I do not understand where that came from(?) Who else besides you, anon, has "confronted me about my faith?"
Because you are the first person to try - try being the key word here - to attack me on this blog. And obviously, you haven't done anything to upset me, because I chose to post your comment.
My faith HAS been challenged, and my foundation HAS indeed been rocked. As recently as last Sunday. But here I am, still proclaiming the name of Christ. So that tells me as I hope it tells you that there is something REAL in Christ's name.
I am secure in my beliefs. It isn't a matter of not knowing who I am praising: I KNOW my God is real, as much as I know that the wind is what is blowing my hair. I don't see it, but I feel it, and I see the evidence of it's presence.
I truly hope that one day SOON you will come to know who God really is.
Until then, you will be in my prayers.
In Christ's Love,
Ashlee
Oh and also,
ReplyDelete"Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you."
-Matthew 5:10-12
Ashlee,
ReplyDeleteThank you for being so open about your faith. I think you express what others are feeling but not brave enough to admit to themselves, let alone in writing for the world to see. You are a great example and I know you are helping others through this blog.
Thanks for the encouragement! :D
ReplyDeleteI find it comical that you think I'm afraid of putting my name on a blog that only has four followers and barely gets any hits. Please, don't inflict your ego on me. I, unlike you, am actually educated and cautious on the Internet. It's really not that hard--I've gotten your Facebook, email, and phone number, so consider yourself lucky that it's not plastered all over the Internet now. Also, it's amusing how you completely don't understand my question and assume that I'm accusing you of "not being yourself." I couldn't care less. What I care about is that you are deliberately keeping yourself ignorant.
ReplyDeleteYou deeefinitely changed up your blog because you could, but also because you're afraid of confrontation. When someone called you out on Tumblr about your pretentious and uninformed desires, you deleted the photograph and changed your Tumblr name. That's pretty cowardly, isn't it? And it's typical that you would think I'm attacking you, simply because my opinion disagrees from yours. Why do you hate yourself so much, that you have to rely on something else to make you think you're worth it?
Err, you proclaiming something in Christ's name doesn't mean anything in terms of validity. I could just as easily take faith and hope from a pet. Your faith hasn't been challenged because you haven't doubted. You're too afraid of doubt. You are afraid to stray from the path you have so blindly followed. Especially since you say you're secure in your beliefs. Then you're just blind.
Also, your charade of praying for someone is completely transparent. If you were a true Christian, you would know that prayer is a private matter, and you don't tell someone who obviously cares nothing for your prayers that you are praying for them. Because otherwise, it's a passive-aggressive tactic. You are not praying because you truly love the other person. You are praying because it makes you feel vindicated, like a spoiled child who wants to one-up their opponent because they don't like admitting they're wrong. Pray if you want, but don't put it out there so you can feel smug about it, because the god you believe in will see through it. Don't put it out there because you feel like it will insult the other person but you'll get away scot-free because "Oh, prayer is an expression of love!" -shrug-
Keep hoping, dear. I highly doubt you'll understand one day. I can only hope you will realize how pitifully in the dark you are.
Matt 5:43-44
ReplyDeleteYou have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven.
For what I hope is the last time, I am going to respond to certain things you have chosen to say.
ReplyDeleteFirst,
"I'm afraid of putting my name on a blog that only has four followers and barely gets any hits" Okay, yet you are still anonymous, and also, I really don't care how many "hits" my blog gets. So that is a reeeally solid argument.
"I couldn't care less". Then why are you here?
"changed your Tumblr name". How do you know that, because actually, no I didn't. But good argument I guess?
"And it's typical that you would think I'm attacking you" What would you call this then? A nice friendly discussion? No. There is a time, place and way to approach someone without being aggressive.
" Why do you hate yourself so much, that you have to rely on something else to make you think you're worth it?" What gave you the impression I hated myself? Because I certainly do not.
"You're too afraid of doubt." Do you know me at all? Honestly. Do you know me? Because if not, then you come across foolish when you make claims that aren't even true. You just sound like a cynic who is looking to cast judgment on every action someone with faith takes.
"If you were a true Christian, you would know that prayer is a private matter"
Please refer to the Bible verse posted above.
"because the god you believe in will see through it." But a comment ago you denied the existence of God, yet here, you are threatening with that apparent God that isn't real. Please, pick a side if you are going to try to argue with me.
"Don't put it out there because you feel like it will insult the other person but you'll get away scot-free because "Oh, prayer is an expression of love!" Uh, "you will be in my prayers". I cannot see how that is insulting. If my aim was to insult you, that would not have been my choice of words, I can assure you.
"Keep hoping, dear"
Indeed I will. Thank you for the encouragement.
"I highly doubt you'll understand one day. I can only hope you will realize how pitifully in the dark you are."
I feel the same way towards you. But your condition is not pitiful. It is heartbreaking. It breaks my heart to know I live in a world where people are so cynical that a person is attacked for having morals and beliefs.
Here is my bottom line.
Since you seem to think that you are so much more educated than I, and I get the impression you feel more evolved, my opinion is that we each do the mature thing, and you let me have my beliefs while you have yours.
Because I do not see how anonymously posting on someone's blog aggressive comments doesn't seem to be doing anything.