The Journey

As uncomfortable as it is for me to admit out loud, and as embarrassing as it is to even talk about, my heart has been completely discouraged about my future. In the weirdest way possible. I know of one person that can relate to me, (and if there are more of you like us out there, then please feel free to let me know) in feeling like I am so ready for God to begin to use me.
Hold up, Ashlee. God is using you, you crazy! I'm sure is what all of y'all are thinking.

I understand that. And although I cannot see how currently, I believe that He is. (That's called faith, and I'm not exactly good at it.)

This is the portion of the blog post that I will very poorly begin to attempt to articulate the feelings I have.
My heart belongs first to Jesus, then to the corners of this world. I literally want to be everywhere- I want Christ to be everywhere. I want to share the love of God with Indians, the Chinese, Haitians, Ethiopians, you name 'em. I love this world, or rather, the people in it.

And right now, God has called me to live in Wilmore.

Please, do not misinterpret me. I adore Wilmore. I love the people here. But I would be lying through my teeth if I didn't admit that the majority of my heart is elsewhere.
So often, I find myself discontented. Discouraged. A twofold discouragement that seems perpetual, because in one hand, I am discouraged that I cannot go yet. Discouraged that I am in Wilmore (of ALL places!) and on the other, I feel like that is an insult to God's plan, which clearly is for me to be right here, sitting in a dorm room, on the second floor, on Asbury's campus, in Wilmore, Kentucky, in the United States.

I do not presume to know the extent of why I am in Wilmore. For all I know Wilmore is my training ground- my time of preparation before God calls me to accomplish things impossible without His complete control and sovereignty.

And I am doing my best to find encouragement in knowing that God is painting the tapestry of my life at such a large scale that I can literally, physically not see the entire thing right now, at eighteen. All I can see now are a few brown brush strokes, and I am by faith trusting that the God of Abraham is painting something beautiful.


If you have been wondering how you can be in active prayer for me, ask for peace and contentment to sweep over me like a mighty wave. That I would rest in knowing that I don't know. Pray that the Father would teach me to recognize His supplying of all my needs. And above all, pray that He would make in me a servant's heart, that is willing to serve anywhere- even frumpy (lovable) Wilmore.

Grace be with you,
Amen.