The Journey

God and I have been in a dry spell. Wait let me take that back, I have been in a dry spell. God is constantly faithful.
Truth be told, I've been rather mad at Him lately, for my shortcomings and my mistakes. And we haven't been getting along. Because I'm selfish and needy and whiney and I can't get myself together long enough to let the Father bless me.
So here's how He blesses me anyway, and hopefully this will bless someone else.

Anyway without going into extreme detail I've really been struggling with where I am in my life right now. As in, why I'm single.
Go ahead, roll your eyes, sigh. I can hear some of you saying, "For goodness sake, girl! You're only nineteen! You don't need to be in a relationship! They're not all they're cracked up to be!" Go ahead and tell me nothing is wrong with being single all you want- I agree with you, but it's not where I want to be.

My desire isn't to be single. And the society I live in tells me something is blatantly wrong with me if I am. Before all you mama and papa bears out there tell me different, I'll stop you there. Because I know there is nothing wrong with me. But often, I feel like there is. Most times, I think it's a defense mechanism to stop the hurt. Because if there was something wrong with me, at least I'd have a reason as to why I'm single. But because there isn't anything inherently wrong with me, I mean, I don't have a second face, or green moss growing on me or anything- I'm left confused as to what the deal is.

And so yesterday, God and I had it out in one of my signature drives where I just drive and drive and yell and cry and talk to God, much to the dismay and horror of other drivers, I'm sure.
And in this conversation, I said to God, "What gives?"
What's the deal, dude? Because I had been faithful to you. I had delighted in you, and I never got my way. And I don't understand how I want a Godly relationship and I can't have one. What. Gives?
To be honest, He didn't answer me. At least not how I wanted Him to. Because to be honest, if I put words in God's mouth He would have said, "Listen baby girl. When you get back to school in August, you're going to get everything you've wanted since the beginning of the year. And everything is going to be so wonderful, and you'll be so happy and life will be great!"
And then I would have had a vain reason to love God--because God did what I wanted Him to.
The reality of the conversation went more like this,
Listen here, girlfriend. You may not realize this right now but I'm doing you a favor, so deal with it. And guess what else? I love you too much to let you be in either the wrong relationship right now or jump the gun on the right one. So calm down, trust me, stay faithful and in my timing, I'll work it all out. Your day is coming sooner than you think.
To which I replied, meekly, ".....okay."
To which He replied,
Right now is our only time for it to be just you and Me. So embrace it.
To which I replied, meekly, ".....okay."....again.

A few minutes later, hunger sets in and I go to burger king to get a small fry. What should have only been a quick minute or so ended up being about ten in the drive through, which to be honest was fine with me. I had no where to be, and there was good music playing on the radio. I pull up to pay and the lady holds up her hand and hands me my fries.
"Don't worry about it," she says, "it's on us. You waited...a really looong time." She smiled and told me to have a good day, and I said the same.
Pulling away I'm pretty sure I felt God nudge my arm and say, "See?! Good things happen to those who wait." as He winked and then laughed. I laughed too and thought to myself, "if you say so."

Later that day I made the wise and healthy decision to have McD's for dinner, and again, I found myself waiting for my food, for about fifteen minutes. Which, when waiting at McD's, feels like a century and a half. Finally they come out and the worker says, "We're so sorry about your wait--we threw in a large fry"
I'm thinking, "yeah, right. Like I need more fries.", but it was free food nonetheless. Pulling away the second time, God said,
Did you notice how twice today you waited and were rewarded?
And I'm thinking,
really? You're speaking to me through food?
To which God said, it got your attention, didn't it?
Touche. Touche.
I walked away confident that God has a plan, one that truly has been designed to prosper me, to bring me joy, and give my life abundantly. And if I listen and follow His plan, I get to reap the benefits. He's good like that.

To make His blessing even sweeter, today I got a text from my dear friend how informed me of her budding romance with a young man who seems to be absolutely wonderful. And all I felt for her was absolute joy- devoid of jealousy or envy. I'm so excited for what God is doing in her life, and I absolutely love how He is using her and this young man to illustrate in my own life how He is faithful always.

I don't know when God is going to give me and that lucky mystery guy the go-ahead, but whenever it is, it's going to be His doing- which means it's gonna be good.

And so right now, I'm smiling about the mystery that's beyond the horizon.