washed

So today I had nothing to do but talk to the LORD, and I feel like it was a productive talk. Very rarely am I alright with sharing my journal, because it is the deepest part of me that I reveal. However, I'm posting this in hopes that someone reads this and can relate and can find hope.
What I felt like I had to say today:

Your love is like the ocean. In one place it is like a tidal wave- it is deep and sweeps me away and it's frightening. While I am in it, I don't know what to make of it. It is powerful and mighty. I couldn't explain being in the middle of it if I wanted to. 
Your tide is unexplainable, unavoidable, unmistakable and unapologetic. 
Your ocean of love cannot be covered and cannot be tamed. 
But the beauty I find in Your love is this: in another place, there is a calm like no other calm. There is an unasked for but completely welcomed peace that washes over me like the water itself. 
When I'm not in these waters, when I substitute this peace for turmoil I long for these waters. But I grow afraid, because I have abandoned my first love- something so precious and unceasing- for something so ugly. And I am ashamed. Sometimes I fear that I have drifted so far away from your peace that I have forgotten what it is and that I won't be able to returned to it. I feel weakness overcome me. But I feel a pull from my heart like the moon pulls the waves to the shore. You are beckoning me to Your shore and there is a longing in my very soul that will not let me ignore Your name. 
Your ocean. Your deep, deep waters of love. 
It beckons me to come and be emersed in Holiness. I am washed. I am cleansed of my iniquity. The peace that I once feared gone runs over me like a rock in a river bed. It is a smooth calm. The waters of Your ocean rock me back and forth and I am remind of how you care for me.