Dear Satan,

YAHWEH created my inmost being. He knit me together. He hems me together, behind and before. He lays His hand upon me. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. My frame was not hidden from Him when He intricately wove me together in the secret place. His eyes saw my unformed body. YAHWEH has searched me and known me. And He is leading me to path of the everlasting. God, the master artist, does not make junk. So deal.
Love, the daughter of the Most High, Ashlee.

No Sweeter Name

Take a moment to listen to Hillsong Chapel's song, Yahweh.
 I don't think today Christians understand what this name means. More so, what it means that we can freely say it.
In today's Biblical translation, YAHWEH (or YHWH) is translated as LORD (not to be confused with Lord, or Hebrew, adonai), or God. It appears six thousand seven hundred and seventy-five times in the English Standard Version of the Bible. It can be broken into two separate words, Y, being 'he' and HWY, translating has 'being'. This is how we get our present day translation of Exodus 3:14 which says, "I AM who I AM".
I just, AM. What a wonderfully enigmatic definition. Enigmatic, yet for those who claim the name of Christ, clarity comes in a way we cannot explain. God just, is. He is all things, He is in all things, He is has made all things, He is.
The Hebrews understood this, and were afraid.
The name could not be spoken. It could barely be written. In fact, when the name was written, the scribe had to stop what he was doing and get a new pen.
Imagine that today. I'm typing and as soon as I write YHWH, I have to go out, buy a new laptop, and continue to write. That pen was never to be used again.
It was, and is, the Holiest of names. The Hebrews could not even utter it.

And we are called to boldly approach the throne, and call God by name.
He spoke His name to us so we could say it-- and find power within it. Time and time in Scripture we see people calling unto the LORD--- calling out to YAHWEH.

It is beyond an honor that God allows us to call Him by name.
It is beyond fathomable that God would want us to even know His name.
The veil was torn, and the separation was removed forever.
I hope that one day I can truly understand what His name means, and I believe that when my work on earth is accomplished for His Glory and He calls me to be in His presence forever I will understand it fully.
But for now, I, as well as my fellow believers, need to recognize the severity of this name.
It is not just a name. It is so much more.
 God's name is not something to toy with lightly. It should not be said lightly, and at one point, it was not to be said at all.
We are defiling the name of God if we use it in any other sense than praise.
This has been a huge struggle with me in the past, and it wasn't until a friend pointed out to me what I was doing before I even realized it was a sin.
We as a body of believers need to realize what we are saying.
Enough of this, "Oh my God" garbage.
Enough of using God's name to express pleasure, hatred, ungodly excitement, or vanity.

Please understand this name, and understand the weight and power it holds.
Do not utter YAHWEH's name unless you are speaking directly to Him- for that in itself is an honor.

It is time we reclaim the name.

I'm Going to Haiti

I can't wait to be with the people of Haiti

Now, I know I make these definitive statements all the time. I'm always "going to Uganda" or "going to India", and I believe one day those will both be true. But this statement is different. I am literally going to Haiti- in March.
And I am more than eager. It's almost borderline excessive, how excited I am. And there are a few reasons why I am so excited. To aptly tell this story, however, I need to back up and start at the beginning. The waaay beginning.
First let me say that I am such a hipster. I attended a youth conference where David Platt was the speaker. This was pre-Radical, and no one really knew who he was. I remember he wore a shirt that said, "mini van, mega fun" and I was like, this dude is legit. That is not the point at all, but I would just like to state it for the records, if anyone is keeping them.
The conference was a week long, and somewhere around day two he told a story of a missionary that was skinned alive for sharing the gospel. He commented on the man's dedication to the Gospel. This man willingly was skinned alive because He understood that this was God's call. God was going be glorified, and that was more than enough reason to die for the sake of the Gospel.
I was moved. I remember as a freshman in highschool thinking, God, please please please never call me to be a missionary. Please.
The next night I was certain that I was supposed to be a missionary.
You heard me.
Jesus rocked my world that night.
I mostly kept this to myself throughout high school. I felt so hideously unqualified. And also vastly terrified of what that was going to mean for my life. But I always had that  nagging on my Spirit, whispering the promise of missions. I knew deep down that if I were to totally follow the Lord, I wasn't going to stay in the United States.
Jump forward almost four years later, and I am a journalism major, emphasis in photojournalism, with a minor in missions and special education. I'll spend another blog about how all that happened some other time.
The point being, I am so beyond eager to get my feet wet (so to speak) in missions. Honestly, if a reputable person approached me tomorrow and asked if I would go to India on a mission trip, I would tell them my bag was already packed-- at least in my mind.
So when the opportunity arose for me to possibly go to Haiti over Spring Break, I was all over that.
Until I got to the meeting and found out we're going to be building houses.
Now, there is absolutely nothing wrong with this. In fact, it's awesome. But I was looking for something more with kids.
Which is exactly what I told God as the leader of the team was speaking.
Shut up for a second, God replied.
Okay, fine.
The leader's next words were, 
"We'll spend the say building the houses, but the highlight of the whole day is when we get back to the place we're staying and the kids are waiting to play with you"
Okay, God. I'm listening.
This trip began to sound better and better. At this point I'm getting really in to everything Nathan, the team leader, was saying. Then God spoke again.
1700.
That's it. That's all I heard. And I was like, God, what is this? What am I supposed to do with 1700?
I'm talking, but not really hearing anything back. And then I know. I know like I've only known one other time.
Okay, God. If this trip costs $1700 or less, I will go to Haiti. No questions asked. No if ands or buts. I'll go.
Nathan all the sudden goes, "Okay, now we're going to talk about cost." I knew it was coming.
He continued, "Last year, it was about $2900 to go, but this year we've gotten better deals on airfare and lodging, so it's not going to be as expensive"
JUST SAY IT. I'm thinking. I know you're going to.
"So this trip is going to be $1700."

My stomach dropped. Not in a bad way, but just in a, "I just had an actual conversation with the Holy Spirit and that's what's up" way.
I started crying, but apparently no one noticed and I was thankful for that.
Then God replayed the words I had just spoken. I will go, no questions asked.
Touche God. Touche.
I have questioned nothing about this trip. I am not worrying about how I will pay, or what else I could do with my break. I am not worrying about how God will use me. I am going to Haiti, and God is going to do something amazing.

 
It didn't really hit me until a few days ago that God is sending me to a different country to proclaim His name and bring glory to His Kingdom-to be a light. To be His voice. To be His hands and feet. To be His smile. To be His ambassador.

Me.  Also known as a sinner.

Me. A wretch.

Me. An unqualified, selfish, mess of a sinner.

YAHWEH chose me. He is using me.

 I began to weep. I hate that word, but it's the only word that fits, and even then, it doesn't seem to be enough. I began to understood God in a new way. I mean, what kind of King sends a peasant to do His bidding? A great one.
An indescribable one.
A faithful one.

I encourage you to find where God is calling you, and understand the severity of the call. God is calling you to speak on His behalf. God is wanting to use you, wherever that might be. Do not ignore Him, or be discouraged if it is in your hometown. "Missions" does not have to be across the globe, or even out of your neighborhood. God's sovereignty is unparalleled.
Call to Him. I will go. No questions asked. No if ands or buts. I will go.

He is faithful.

Please also join with me in praying for the beloved people of Haiti. Yes, pray for reconciliation of their land, but their problems stem from Spiritual instability first and foremost, being predominantly practicers of Voodoo for the past 200 years. Pray that God will soften Haitian hearts to the Gospel, and our team will fearlessly and boldly share the love of God with them. Pray for His Kingdom to come to Haiti. Pray that God will be glorified by the people of Haiti. That God will reign in the hearts and lives of the Haitian people.

Earnestly I Seek You

God has been dealing with me pretty radically lately.
And without going into immense detail, He shared a truth with me yesterday that had legitimately never entered my mind. Often I find myself finally realizing a truth I've heard a million times before but never understanding, so this was quite a difference for me.
It all started with me being a girl. I'm at Asbury, and I didn't know it when I decided to come here but basically you do two things when you come here. You go on a mission trip, and you get married. Not necessarily in that order. When you are a single woman at Asbury University, you better expect to hear about dating/courting/engagements and marriage daily. Sometimes hourly.

So I've been acting like a typical girl and thinking about courtship and marriage, and thinking about how I want that to look. I catch myself thinking, I want him to ask me about my day or I just wish he would give me a compliment or I just want him to pursue me and want to know everything about me.
I was listening to music when I ended up on Fernando Ortega's  "Psalm 63", and I decided that was my verse for the week.
And I realized something interesting. David writes,

O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you;
    my soul thirsts for you;
my flesh faints for you,
   as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.

God- You are my God. And I seek you earnestly.
I desire to be sought after earnestly. I desire to be someones. The thing is, so does God.
Although my intentions are more romantic than Gods, they are still fundamentally the same. All the things I desire from my future husband are things God desires as well.
God wants me to talk to him. He wants to me to pursue Him. And I want Him to pursue me.
This revelation came after I had already decided that I am incapable of taking care of my own heart, so I've decided to give it completely over to God with the faith and knowledge that He finds it sacred, and will not give it to the wrong man.
So I've taken a vow if you will, to treat God how I expect to be treated by the man God gives my heart to, expecting that I will be treated the same. When I catch myself thinking about what I am hoping for or expecting, I realize more and more that those desires stem straight from the Father, and He is eager for me.

I urge you young women, to do the same. Knowing God's intentions will help you to discern men's. It has become quite a cliche, however I will always love the quote that says, "A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her."
How much easier will it be to see the man God has ordained for you if you are looking at the one who ordained it?
Therefore, I will earnestly seek God, as I am to be earnestly sought. The rest will work itself out.

Is it acceptable to watch sin?

Is it acceptable to watch sin, even if it isn't technically real?

This has been the question on my mind recently, and the short answer I have arrived at is no, for no other reason than I am trying to justify my actions-- and that's never a good sign.

But it goes past that.

Should I as a Christian draw entertainment from sin? When worded like that, the idea sounds a little backwards. As a new creation in Christ, I should be weary to idly witness sin. If the Holy Spirit of God dwells within me, then I should be horrified to take any enjoyment or satisfaction in watching others sin.

Romans 12:9 makes it pretty clear how we are to act towards sin. Paul writes,

"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil, cling to what is good." 

However, I am guilty as most of watching rated R films laden with sexual references and foul language. You come to the point where you can seemingly completely tune the bad content out.

I say seemingly because whether we realize it, our lives are being impacted by what we witness in the media constantly. We draw our perceptions of love, beauty and truth by what we see portrayed in movies.

Currently from where I sit in the library I can see a couple, maybe juniors, who judging by the ring on her finger are engaged, and are, for lack of a better term, groping each other. I mean, these two have their hands all over everything. Mostly her on him. Which isn't surprising in the least.

Why do couples feel like the only way they can connect to one another is through physical acts like touching and kissing and most importantly (and disturbing) sex?
Because that is what the media says love is.

Think about it for a moment-- you shouldn't have to think long. When a couple "falls in love" in the movies, they usually always end up having sex, to "show" their feelings.

That's not love. That's passionate lust.

But our young people are being taught that love = sex.
This is a half truth. Sex is a part of love, but is to be used inside of marriage and only marriage.

I am not under the impression that the only way I can show someone I love them is by jumping into bed with them or sucking their face off.
Love is not sex. Love does not equal sex. 1 Corinthians does not say,

Sex is patient. Sex is kind. Sex does not envy or boast, sex is not proud. Sex does not dishonor others, sex is not self-seeking, sex is not easily angered. Sex keeps no record of wrongs. Sex does not delight in evil, but sex rejoices in truth. Sex always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Sex never fails.

This clearly is not God's interpretation of sex, but this is definitely America's interpretation.

But if I (and Christians who agree with me) continue to watch sin in the media, our perceptions are bound to change. We cannot think for a moment that we can be innocent bystanders and not be affected.

If you were to happen to be in front of a building when it caught on fire, would you stay near it to watch it burn, or would you get as far away as possible in case the fire spread?

I would run. And I should have the same philosophy when watching sin in the media.